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Old 11-14-2008, 12:02 PM   #1
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Ten Things to put on your car...

...that will make me hate you.

1. Jesus fish. Hey, you're a Christian. Good for you. I play poker once a week, I guess I'll glue some chips to my car. The jesus fish alone wouldn't be so bad, if you actually drove like a Christian - if you showed some concern for your fellow man, obeyed the law, and acted with courtesy. Instead, you always end up being some over-caffeinated, bad-dye-job former nurse who gave up her job to raise her sissy kids and thus has nothing better to do after the school bus comes than to try to end my existence by careening down the street in your "crossover" while balancing a Dunkin Donuts latte as you scramble to get to TJ Maxx before those non-Christian swine beat you and get all the good scratch-and-dent Liz Claiborne bags. If only your Purpose-Driven Life book actually included a chapter on DRIVING.

2. NASCAR numerals of your favorite driver. Seriously? It's not a sport. It's corporate money turning left for three hours. To each his own, but for some reason these stickers can never just be a sticker. They have the magical ability to make every swinging Richard with a rusted-out Silverado and some flowmasters think he's actually driving a racecar. If only the horrifying one-car crashes were so frequent...

3. Anti-abortion stickers. We've all seen these. "It's a life, not a choice" or "What part of THOU SHALT NOT KILL don't you get?" or my personal favorite "U can't B Catholic and B Pro-Choice." Cars are a means of conveyance. They are meant to convey YOU, not to convey your beliefs about an issue that, let's face it, isn't REALLY an issue anymore. It's done. Barring the entire Supreme Court being wiped out in an avalanche, Roe v. Wade is as certain as seeing a Wilford Brimley "I have diabetus" ad during the Price Is Right. If you spent a little more time worrying about your own life, and not so much worrying about whether twenty-something girls are having last month's "Girl's Night Out" mistake shop-vacced out of their loins, you might not be stuck driving a 1994 Toyota Sienna with a donut spare. And while you're rethinking your habits, GET OUT OF THE LEFT LANE.

4. Pro-Abortion stickers. You're as bad as your arch nemises, except that your continual worrying has left your Democratic ass puttering along in a Subaru that lays a cloud of blue smoke that could mask a small armored division, and working at Starbucks under the delusion that measuring a scoop of beans makes you a barista. See above.

5. Kerry/Edwards, Gore/Lieberman, or Dole Kemp stickers. Get over it. Seriously, just get over it. No one gives you credit for backing the loser. Your vain attempt to garner some credit by pointing out that you didn't support whoever was in power when that-one-really-bad-thing-that-resulted-from-a-confluence-of-complex-factors-beyond-your-understanding-that-you-totally-blamed-on-the-President happened makes you either 1.) crazy or 2.) my grandmother. Give it up.

6. Anti-war stickers. Welp, you got me. I don't know what to say now. I was a real war hawk, a slit-their-throats Pro-War neocon with a thirst for blood and the disembodied fetuses of Arab enemies. But your sticker...it was so poignant. "No blood for oil." I'm speechless. My entire world view has been turned on it's head. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go buy a tank of our spoils. Could you lend me $100? This stuff is as expensive as that weed in your cupholder.

7. Jegs/Summit sticker. Ok brah, it's a CATALOG. It doesn't make your V6 Camaro any faster. Why sully your car with a sticky ad for a parts catalog? Because you had the privilege of giving them lots of your hard-earned money? If that's the case, my wife's car needs a Payless Shoes sticker on every window.

8. A giant logo of your car brand on the rear window. Self-explanatory. As though anyone was under the impression that your Civic was made by BMW. Why don't you tattoo your employer on your forehead, in case people at work wonder where you work.

9. Calvin pissing on anything. If you have one of these, you can neither read nor understand this, so I'll save my breath. Please remove it or drive into a tree. If your Calvin is pissing on a rival car brand, you are a double-violator and should drive into two trees or one train.

10. Ribbons. Enough with the damn ribbons. I'm a "troop" and I'm tired of ribbons. The yellow ones were bad enough. Then came all the stupid other ones. Autism. Breast cancer. Firefighters. March of Dimes. Aids. Heart Attacks. Old people. Democrats. Everyone and everything has a ribbon. Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against the underlying causes. I hate this belief in magnetic activism. If you want to support troops, get in touch with the USO. Or send care packages. Or volunteer at a military base. Want to help with autism? Volunteer. Donate. Lobby for autism research. Help your neighbors with autistic children. Want to fight cancer? Go get everyone in your family over the age of 50 to get a colo-rectal cancer screening. Do some ribbon owners do this? Sure. But most just own ribbons. Because it's easy.


If this offended you, I apologize......................................... .......for the fact that you festooned your car like a dumbass.
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Old 11-14-2008, 12:12 PM   #2
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great, as usual.

only thing i would add is the 4" exhaust tip on an otherwise stock exhaust. GM drivers seem to be the majority of violaters.
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Old 11-14-2008, 12:25 PM   #3
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You forgot the rubber balls hanging from the rear bumper.
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Old 11-14-2008, 12:30 PM   #4
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WooHoo! I fit none of the above!
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Old 11-14-2008, 12:31 PM   #5
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You forgot the rubber balls hanging from the rear bumper.
Ooooh, good one. Call it the 11th Commandment.
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Old 11-14-2008, 12:38 PM   #6
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I agree with all of them although #4 needs Subaru changed to Subaru/Volvo/VW, at least around here it does.

I'd like to add one, maybe #12.

ANYTHING hanging from your rearview mirror in the car, your graduation tassels from 1984, CD's, condoms, Madri Gras beads, etc.

All that crap does is prevent you from seeing anything on your right when you decide to pull out in front of me.
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Old 11-14-2008, 12:42 PM   #7
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ANYTHING hanging from your rearview mirror in the car, your graduation tassels from 1984, CD's, condoms, Madri Gras beads, etc.

All that crap does is prevent you from seeing anything on your right when you decide to pull out in front of me.
Puerto Rican flags.
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Old 11-14-2008, 12:43 PM   #8
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lol! nice.
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Old 11-14-2008, 12:46 PM   #9
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Puerto Rican flags.
Mexican flags here in Texas.
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Old 11-14-2008, 12:48 PM   #10
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Wheeooo....

Made it thru 10, no make that 12 layers of hell unscathed...
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Old 11-14-2008, 12:50 PM   #11
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Mexican flags here in Texas.
I bet this one can be seen from space....

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Old 11-14-2008, 12:53 PM   #12
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lol... nicely written.

To expand on #7; the ones that get me are the K&N or Blowmaster stickers. You have an air filter and mufflers. That's special.
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Old 11-14-2008, 01:19 PM   #13
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Haha @ Summit/Jeg's. I ordered Tires from Jegs and Suspension from Summit. Both sent me decals. I thought to myself "I wonder what retards actually put Summit/Jegs decals on their cars"

LoL
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Old 11-14-2008, 01:25 PM   #14
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Don't forget extremely out of shape old people with numerous military stickers.
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Old 11-14-2008, 01:31 PM   #15
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Tom,


This pics for you bud


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Old 11-14-2008, 01:31 PM   #16
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Don't forget extremely out of shape old people with numerous military stickers.
Yeah, they dont bother me that much. I always laugh when I see some bloated 30-year-old sporting that "One a Marine, always a Marine" gheyness.
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Old 11-14-2008, 01:40 PM   #17
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magnetic flames on a hyundai.
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Old 11-14-2008, 01:41 PM   #18
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10. Ribbons. Enough with the damn ribbons. I'm a "troop" and I'm tired of ribbons. The yellow ones were bad enough. Then came all the stupid other ones. Autism. Breast cancer. Firefighters. March of Dimes. Aids. Heart Attacks. Old people. Democrats. Everyone and everything has a ribbon. Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against the underlying causes. I hate this belief in magnetic activism. If you want to support troops, get in touch with the USO. Or send care packages. Or volunteer at a military base. Want to help with autism? Volunteer. Donate. Lobby for autism research. Help your neighbors with autistic children. Want to fight cancer? Go get everyone in your family over the age of 50 to get a colo-rectal cancer screening. Do some ribbon owners do this? Sure. But most just own ribbons. Because it's easy.
I saw a great ribbon on a car the other day. It said Empty Gesture.
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Old 11-14-2008, 01:43 PM   #19
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Man. No love for Butterfly or Tweety Bird stickers?
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no but it makes you look like fubar with all the bitching about nothing, bumping threads from 2 years ago to bitch some more

bitch bitch bitch, turn out to be wrong. Just trying to save you from looking like a jackass. guess Im too late though.
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Old 11-14-2008, 02:17 PM   #20
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I'll typically put product stickers on the underside of my hood, especially in my bronco. Though I do have a couple of stickers for 4x4 clubs, etc.

However, that post was funny as hell.
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Old 11-14-2008, 02:36 PM   #21
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Hehe.

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Old 11-14-2008, 02:41 PM   #22
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I'm surprised no one has brought up rainbow stickers yet. There's at least one employee car in the lot right now that has at least two of them in the back window.
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Old 11-14-2008, 03:44 PM   #23
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Yeah, they dont bother me that much. I always laugh when I see some bloated 30-year-old sporting that "One a Marine, always a Marine" gheyness.
It's called having pride in something, regardless of if you're active, inactive, retired, reserve, old, young, fat, skinny, etc. With that line of thinking, I guess we should all quit flying the flag of this country we call the U.S.A., since we are obviously IN the United States, and that would just be pointing out the obvious, right?
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Old 11-14-2008, 03:44 PM   #24
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Hehe.


I chuckled at your new sig.
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Old 11-14-2008, 03:57 PM   #25
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I'm surprised no one has brought up rainbow stickers yet. There's at least one employee car in the lot right now that has at least two of them in the back window.
And the "=" stickers too. So stupid. Hey, congratulations, you're gay! Idiots.
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Old 11-14-2008, 04:07 PM   #26
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Here's another one for you Tom - I made it big so you could read it. - Jim
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Old 11-14-2008, 04:15 PM   #27
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Might want to run a broom across the driveway, Jim. Just a suggestion.
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Old 11-14-2008, 04:17 PM   #28
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And the "=" stickers too. So stupid. Hey, congratulations, you're gay! Idiots.
I know... the funny part is.. I work with one woman who is openly gay. jokes about it constantly. makes fun of herself all the time, hits on women at work jokingly - its pretty fun. she is NOT one that has a sticker. the owner of the one car with the stickers clams up immediately if it comes up and changes the subject immediately. wtf. why half ass it? if you're gonna display to the entire world the fact that your prefer the scissor to the pencil why be shy about it when it comes up in conversation?

but again, you said it well. congrats! you're gay! now STFU!
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Old 11-14-2008, 04:27 PM   #29
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My buddy put a Darwin fish on his truck in Highschool.

We went to a Christian Private School, and I couldn't make fun of it because of how mad it made the teachers.

The principal/Preacher thought it was hilarious though, go figure.
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Old 11-14-2008, 04:38 PM   #30
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WooHoo! Yellow Mustang thread!
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Old 11-14-2008, 04:39 PM   #31
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YAY yellow mustangs.

<3
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Old 11-14-2008, 05:01 PM   #32
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I don't know if this is a so cal thing, but a lot of people have this "Coexist" sticker that is cleverily made of all the different religious symbols (turkish half moon, cross, star of david, etc.)

Hahaha, here it is, I found one :

I can't stand when people put stickers on their car of manufacturers, or CAMARO or MUSTANG on the windshield - as if I have forgotten what POS I'm in front of
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Old 11-14-2008, 05:04 PM   #33
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My truck had the calvin pissing on chevy sticker on it when I bought it. I took off the chevy symbol. Now calvin's just pissing... lol. there's also a sticker on there that says "skankin" and has a stick figure dood getting down, I kept that... lol.
Yeah, the ribbons are getting annoying. I liked them when they first came out, thought they were a good idea, but now that they are for every which thing, I HATE them, except the one I seen the other day, kinda a parody of the ribbons in general. It said, support my ex... lol.
That post kinda resembled a George Carlin rant, nothing bad, I LOVE George Carlin.... good stuff! he didn't give a #### if he offended people... lol
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Old 11-14-2008, 05:38 PM   #34
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i cut up a flowmaster sticker to say "mofaster" lol. cops dont think its funny
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98gt~pi swap, five speed swap, L/T's, tune,3:73's. 8.9@81, 13.8@101
89gt~gt40 top end, f cam, 4.10's, aod, stall. no times yet.
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Old 11-14-2008, 05:40 PM   #35
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98gt~pi swap, five speed swap, L/T's, tune,3:73's. 8.9@81, 13.8@101
89gt~gt40 top end, f cam, 4.10's, aod, stall. no times yet.
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